We’ve all been there. Your save file gets deleted. Your teammate isn’t holding their own. You just … can’t … quite … make that jump! You smash your controller, maybe. You yell to the video game gods.

But is your anger really about the game?

“No matter what game, single or multiplayer, strategy or shooter, failing straight up pisses me off,” a Redditor wrote to a gaming community Monday. “I have broken an embarrassing amount of mouses and keyboards, along with some objects that were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I really want to enjoy the games i play, which is difficult since i only get the satisfaction and fun when i am dominating or doing well. It’s the only hobby i actually enjoy, and it really sucks to take everything so seriously.”

It very well could be as simple as the discomfort of losing, tied to self-esteem, or just a case of the slightly-off-center-geometry-that-won’t-let-you-through-the-damn-door kind of frustration. 

This one Redditor’s confession, and the discussion it sparked, stands to show there’s likely more below rage’s fragile facade.  

Gaming as an outlet for stress is something many gamers, myself included, can identify with. The problem arises when it’s your only release. Without examining what the source of that anger, temporary releases — and temporary spikes of anger when something doesn’t go as anticipated in a game — will only persist. 

It very well could be as simple as the discomfort of losing, tied to self-esteem.

Games are frequently looked to as a way to relax. You wind down from the day with something familiar, and escape the unpleasantries of a boring day-to-day life. Maybe it’s another few rounds of your favorite multiplayer game, where you get together with the same group of friends and focus on perfecting the same paths and tasks you’ve been perfecting for the last however many days. Or it’s picking up where you left off in a completely enrapturing single player storyline. You lose yourself in a world you know almost as well as the real one — but you have more agency, and you can pick it up and put it down at your deciding. 

And, occasionally, games are annoying as all hell. Platformers are practically made to break you, and some boss fights can be the most monotonous experience of “roll to dodge, strike at the belly, roll to dodge, strike at the belly…” Being that we are humans, it’s not outrageous to expect some range of emotion when engaging with a medium that you’re actively participating in (and, in a way, working against to overcome obstacles).

Some people even profit off of that anger. People on YouTube laugh at the dozens of angry gamer reactions, flinging their keyboards or smashing their monitors after some kind of undisclosed failure. PewDiePie frequently shouts at the camera, to the delight of his millions of followers. Critics — like Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Joe Vargas (AngryJoeShow), or Video Game Dunkey — use cutting words and take on a fervent tone when lambasting the latest releases or questionable big business decisions. But there’s a line between the flare of anger and an innate, blood-boiling rage. 

In this one Redditor’s case, their fellow community members were quick to pick up on the potential for outside sources being the root cause of their overwhelming frustration. 

“If you’re being wound up [at] work, and want to come home to wind down, and the only thing you do to release that stress are stressful, adrenaline-drenched online competition, I would find it surprising if you managed to do anything but blow up on your computer / controller when you lose,” wrote one commenter. 

“Over time I learned not to blame anyone but to help others succeed by giving constructive feedback.”

Without expending that stress-induced energy on something productive — like working out, as they suggested — every ounce of that wound-up stress goes right into the experience of playing a game. Whatever game.

Another commenter, who plays with the notoriously angry community of League of Legends players, empathized with the original poster’s struggle. “Over time I learned not to blame anyone but to help others succeed by giving constructive feedback…One day you’ll end up playing games where you lose horribly and you’re having the best damn time of your life. The moment I hit that I knew I did something amazing. It will take time and a lot of effort. Be patient and focus on doing the right thing for you and for your fellow players.”

“Usually people getting overly angry or competitive while playing games/sports is a symptom of something else,” wrote another astute Redditor. “Examine some of the other things going on in your life and if you fix/come-to-terms with those other things then you might find you’ll enjoy your games more.”

Self reflection, especially in 2017, is one of the most important responsibilities we have as members of a social species. And if a game can help you identify getting the help you need? All the better.