Every Legend of Zelda game follows the same general structure: a small boy — the world’s last hope — is pitted against some sort of super demon named “Ganon” who intends to turn the land into a veritable hellscape. 

The games are dark, or at least should be — this world is literally undergoing an apocalyptic collapse of society. And yet, for whatever reason, the ordinary townsfolk don’t ever really seem to know what’s going on or care.

You could be on your way to fight an ancient dragon in the interest of freeing an entire race being held prisoner in a dungeon, and still find a dude in the middle of nowhere running a tiny shop, blissfully unaware of any sort of threat to his well-being.

And even when the townsfolk are in immediate danger they still don’t know what’s going on. 

I realized this is because these poor villagers are not blessed with the narrative insight that we as players take for granted. Nobody actually explains to them what’s happening. I, as Link, just roll into their lives and take care of it. They must be so confused. 

So, I decided to flip through their local newspapers papers and see just how they wrote about the goings on in Hyrule. I just wanted to try to understand how they see their world. And I think I finally do.